Columnist Dan Abernathy.

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Looking into the so-called backyards of society, it seems that we have more laundry airing than ever before. Social media has become a new clothesline, on all levels, that is flapping way too much dirty laundry. This fluttering information doesn’t always have all of the correct details, clean truths or smell like fresh clean clothes.

If you say that someone “airs their dirty laundry in public,” you don’t agree or approve of their discussing or arguing about unpleasant matters in front of other people. It's often better to keep matters private and seek help from friends or loved ones instead of, “airing your dirty laundry,” for everyone to see.

Exposing private matters, often unsavory secrets, to public view is, “airing your dirty laundry.” This metaphor is a reworking of a French proverb, “One should wash one's dirty linen at home,” which was quoted by Napoleon on his return from Elba in 1815.  

It’s a shame that people use social media to “air their dirty laundry.” Why do people want the world to know about family disagreements and other sensitive matters? Because of the lack of full and complete context, posting sensitive or personal information on social media is where the forming of negative opinions is hatched.

As in marketing, each of us has our own type of personal brand, the idea and concept of who we are. The content that we share on social media reflects our identities. That being said, it is no surprise that people share on social media to communicate who they are and what they care about. It also can be said they share what they have been conditioned to share.

Understandably, people have strong opinions about current topics. It’s understandable that people have problems and feel that they are trapped in a bad situation. Understandably, people want to be heard who have friends or family but are isolated because they don't feel like they can confide in them. Humans need to vent.

It’s understandable that people have problems and want to talk to someone about them. However, it’s not okay to share your problems with the whole world, especially if it involves a conflict with someone else. Social media can be dangerous and there can be social repercussions that you may not have anticipated.

Why social media has invaded and captured the minds of its followers is because it gives credibility and a sense of false meaning to their lives. This easily happens because most people no longer want or care about the truth. They want to be with the constant reassurance that what they believe, what they are indoctrinated into believing, is the truth.

It’s better to avoid posting sensitive information to prevent any unnecessary drama or negative consequences. Constantly posting about the same mistakes is nothing but harmful. It’s better to keep matters private and seek help from friends or loved ones instead of, “airing your dirty laundry,” for everyone to see. This not only saves face for yourself but also avoids causing unnecessary drama for those who may negatively view you. So, if you need to talk, reach out to someone privately and work through your feelings instead of constantly seeking validation on social media.

This is where the false anonymity comes into play. Some people need to vent about really messed up problems, and what better way to get it out than by throwing it into the Internet void where you are not talking face to face? Social media is not an anonymous hotline. People no longer pause, think or implement the five rules before they speak.

Eastern teachings and religions teach to both avoid and cultivate. Right speech is abstaining from lying, divisive speech, abusive speech and idle chatter. The five guidelines for well-spoken speech are: Is it timely, true, gentle, beneficial and spoken with goodwill?

If speech does not have this flavor then it might be forming ill-will to blossom into gossip. Gossip may at first seem to be relatively benign but it can quickly cause more problems with living your best life. A Tibetan teacher, Pabongka Rinpoche, offers the statement, “Idle gossip is the best way to waste a human life. It spreads dissension and is a heinous sin.”

Conflict escalates when the response is in retaliation. When something unkind is said or done that causes any type of distress or pain to any degree of displeasure and belligerence; the reply in words and actions is to cause more suffering, as a relief to yours and is only echoing the pain caused by the anger.

What is seen as you look at the ripple effect of social media and the constant attachment of some device has been the installation of self-limiting beliefs. It has pressed into the mind the need for constant validation and the fear of uncertainty at the same time. It has developed an exhibiting fascination with oneself.

It may be puzzling, this context of conundrum in which is there, beyond our inner self. As we learn we then unlearn. As we see that we no longer want to be seen, we disappear. We want value in the content of who we are and how we believe while we listen to the one showing us that we are merely a coincidence of occurrences.

Social media is the essential element to loneliness. It is a derivative of solitude as it is viewed in solitude, even when the platform of viewing is within the entanglement of people. In spite of the vivid colors and the background music it’s only communicating with the unknown, alone. - dbA

You can find more of the unfiltered insight and the Art of Dan Abernathy at www.contributechaos.com.